I am in the process of planning my wedding, which will take place next April in Ireland. We found a beautiful place in Waterford and they are taking care of a lot of the details, the food (obviously), flowers for the tables, and hors d'oeuvres to be served to arriving guests.

However, because I live in California, certain details have to be planned over here. And the wedding industry in California does not make it easy for the average person to plan a wedding. Friends who get married here seem to be on their own in planning every little detail. I have a theory that this is to provide employment for wedding coordinators, people who make a good living from being in the know about the wedding industry.

It is very difficult for a bride-to-be to become in the know by herself. Everything is a secret. You go to a bridal store and find a dress you love, but just try to find out the name of the designer. And if you do find out who designed it, the store won't reveal the style number of the dress. This is to make it difficult to comparison shop at other stores. Even flipping through a bridal magazine doesn't really help because most prices are not listed.

One place I called, Discount Bridal Service, apparently does provide bridal gowns at a substantial discount. But here's the catch: you choose the dress from a bridal magazine, give them your measurements, and pay for the dress, which is then delivered without your ever having tried it on. I'm sorry, but I don't buy a twenty-dollar skirt without trying it on first.

It is overwhelming to plan a wedding anywhere, of course. I think it's more difficult that it has to be here, but perhaps I'm wrong. Anyway, I am learning some things in the process that make planning a wedding easier, no matter where you are.

So here are my tips (so far) for staying cool and positive during the planning process. I'm sure I will come up with more as the day draws near.

Remember that even if every little detail is not perfect, everyone will still have a wonderful time: none of your guests will know if the florist messed up and ordered pink roses instead of peach ones.

Take your friends up on offers of help, but be sure they are both reliable and competent. My friend Brenda was a florist for years so when she offered to do my bouquet, I gratefully accepted. And my sister's mother-in-law has offered to make the wedding cake, an incredible gesture from a woman I know is a wonderful baker.

It is truly generous when friends and family want to help, but remember, usually they are not professionals, so you have to be prepared if the unthinkable happens, like when your cousin offers to take photographs, but neglects to bring film for his camera. Either have a back up ready, or let it go. It is not OK to yell at someone who is close to you if they make a mistake. Friendships have been ruined by less.

Speaking of photographs, unless you have someone in your life who is a professional photographer, this is the one service that I think really should be provided by a professional. Five years from now, no one is going to remember the cake or the music, but the photographs will still be around. They are pretty much the only thing that lasts long after the actual event. Besides, hopefully, the marriage.

Don't sweat the details. It's easy to start focusing on things you start believing you need, like a special engraved cake-knife, or hand-made ring cushion, or heart-shaped topiaries in hand-thrown ceramic pots for the centerpieces. Things you would have claimed were extravagant and ridiculous a month before you got engaged suddenly begin to seem like essentials. Snap out of it. Very few of us in the real world have the budget and the time that Martha Stewart has. Has Martha, America's prime-time domestic goddess, made it to Ireland yet? The woman can do everything. She makes me sick.

Take a tip from your husband-to-be. I bet he's not overwhelmed with the need for everything to be perfect. When my lovely fiance says, "it's going to be a fantastic day no matter what we do," I know he's right.

As my planning proceeds I will keep you up-to-date with discoveries and information. And if YOU have any tips. Send them to Lipstick Ireland. Women sharing what they know will make us all more savvy brides.